dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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