I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
