I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
