This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to sanitize my soul.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
