I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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