you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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