I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
