fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
