I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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