cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
