Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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