There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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