ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
