oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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