"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
