Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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