I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
