Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
