sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize