remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
