Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
