Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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