is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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