I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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