I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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