Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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