so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
