I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
