guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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