Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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