Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
