The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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