remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
