Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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