He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
