Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
