Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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