I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
