white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
