im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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