I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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