I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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