i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
