I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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