Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
