He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
40s are totally the cure
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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