i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
