she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
