i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
