dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
