you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
