i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize