Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
