the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
