I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
