I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
