There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
