You really coming over, don't trick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
