The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
