That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize