Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
