God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
