I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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